Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s still here.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

GTA Online Money Fronts Update Download Goes Live Early - RockstarINTEL

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

What is the most craziest dream you ever had?

The sadness was still there.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Why would a man be interested in an ordinary woman while there are very beautiful and fabulous women?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Time (physics): Who started counting our current time or is it just "set" by some scientific measure?

And the sadness?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Why do you think Filipinos are conservatives?

You are like me, then.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I had run out of hope.

Samsung Galaxy S25+ Powers Van Gogh Museum’s New Audio Tour - Samsung Newsroom

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Angel Reese Posts 1st Career Triple-Double as Sky Beat Sun in WNBA Commissioner's Cup - Bleacher Report

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of fighting.

Be who you already are.

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

I was tired of trying and failing.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I'm very sick. 72 years old. I thinking I'm losing my mind. My dead friend told me it's going to be okay. I could feel him. There is more…I don't know what but more.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.